Youth & Education - Dr. Frances Mills-Yerger [CITYSunTimes November 2009]

Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D. is a retired marriage and family therapist and is the founder, facilitator and program director of Workshops for Youth and Family based in Scottsdale, where she inspires confidence-building character through workshops.
For information, visit orho.org or call 480.882.6011.

November Is National Runaway Prevention Month

According to National Safe Place (NSP), four million teens are in crisis each year, and now Phoenix-area teens have a new way to get help. Last month, NSP launched Txt 4 Help, a 24-hour text-messaging service that will give immediate support to youth in crisis.
With Txt 4 Help, teens just text the word SAFE and their address to the number 69866 and they’ll get a response with the address of the closest Safe Place and the contact number of the closest youth shelter. With nearly two million runaway teens each year, this program gives teens more power to make that crucial first step and ask for help.
Safe Places are everything from fast-food restaurants and banks to convenience stores and fire stations. In the Phoenix-area, there are over 100 designated Safe Places, including all QT stores and Arizona Federal Credit Union branches
The Tumbleweed Center for Youth Development in Phoenix is one of four NSP-designated shelters in Arizona. Watch its PSA below. For more information, call 602.505.2107 or visit tumbleweed.org.
For additional information, visit nationalsafeplace.org.

CITYSunTimes Web Exclusives November 2009
Read the full SECTION

YOUTH & EDUCATION

Do You Wonder If You Are Getting Through To Your Kids?

By Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D.

Teen and parents

You would be surprised if you really, really understood the powerful influence you have on your kids – no matter what age they are. As kids get older they may appear as “being tuned out” at times to what you say. They are testing. That is how they learn if you are weak or strong as adults. Do not give in or give over your parental duty to have limits and let kids have too much power, freedom or money. You are the most influential role models and real people in their lives, and in time they will come to respect you and all the effort you give if you have stayed focused, caring and firm in your parenting.

It is a parent’s job to parent. Not the school, teachers, counselors, coaches, sitters, nannies, siblings, neighbors, etc. It is the parent’s job.

Parents might wish their teens lived in a “Brady Bunch” world, but the reality is, it is more like “Survivor” because of the choices and pressure they are up against at all ages. Trying to sort through what is right or wrong, being cool and fitting in, having good friends, keeping up with academics, activities, etc. are just a few of the developmental challenges that are like “work” to them. It is a parent’s job to parent. Not the school, teachers, counselors, coaches, sitters, nannies, siblings, neighbors, etc. It is the parent’s job. And often kids will act out just to get their parents to get involved in their lives. The good news is that when it comes to helping kids make wise choices about drugs, friends, alcohol, sexual activity, values, morals and issues, parents wield more power than they think. Kids are likely to make good choices if you establish expectations and enforce consequences.
If you want to stay connected to their world, just listen to them and their friends’ conversations. You can learn a lot by including their friends in your family activities. Monitor their time online. In addition to playing games and surfing for fun, they use e-mail, instant messaging, chat rooms and message boards. They turn to the Internet for help with school work, research projects, to download music, to share ideas and make contact with others. Listen to their music and ask what they like about it. What are the messages coming from the lyrics?
Start now. Start talking about tough topics in elementary school. Did you know the average age for kids to start drinking is 13? If you wait until they are in high school, you are less likely to gain traction. Provide them with a plan or things to say to extricate themselves from unhealthy situations. The more you help them practice their responses, the more likely they make a good decision when the pressure is on. Start now. They are our precious resources and we have a responsibility to teach them to protect themselves. And your love, care and wisdom does seep in.

YOUTH & EDUCATION Web Exclusives | CITYSunTimes November 2009