Youth & Education - Dr. Frances Mills-Yerger [CITYSunTimes July 2009]

Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D. is a retired marriage and family therapist and is the founder, facilitator and program director of Workshops for Youth and Family based in Scottsdale, where she inspires confidence-building character through workshops.
For information, visit orho.org or call 480.882.6011.

Bullying: It’s Not OK

The American Academy of Pediatrics says:
Bullying prevention is a highly researched and well-proven area of violence prevention. The social dynamics of bullying are similar in most settings – bullies begin the school year by picking on a large number of children. Those children whose emotional responses gratify the bullies become the chosen victims for the year. Victims are smaller and weaker (boys) or more socially isolated (girls) than the bullies. Since harassment rarely occurs overtly in the classroom, teachers may be slow to recognize the dynamics of bullying or to prevent it. Thus, parents should be counseled to discuss bullying prevention with school guidance counselors or administrators. While victims may be more likely to seek medical attention, long-term studies demonstrate that the poorest outcomes are among bullies themselves. Children labeled by their peers as aggressors or bullies at age eight are more likely to end up incarcerated and are less likely to be steadily employed and in stable long-term romantic relationships by the time they reach age 30. Consequently, bullying prevention programs have a long-term benefit for both bullies and victims. [Source]

On its website, the American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidance to parents, as well as doctors, when discussing this issue. Visit aap.org/parents.html and search “bullying.”

CITYSunTimes Web Exclusives July 2009
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YOUTH & EDUCATION

Back-To-School Strategies: Kids Being Kids?
By Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D.

It is time we get tough on bullying. Parents and teachers need to work together to stop abusive behavior. Behavior that was once dismissed as “kids being kids” is now recognized as bullying.
And as growing research shows the negative effects on the bully and the victim, mental health professionals, schools, parents and even kids themselves are coming up with new ways to combat threatening behavior. It should not be considered as a normal part of growing up.
Adults need to take it seriously and try to understand why kids are involved on either end of bullying.

It’s difficult to get accurate estimates of how pervasive the problem is, because children often don’t report it, usually because of fear.

Any form of verbal or physical behavior that is controlling or threatening is bullying. To be even more specific, the federal government’s Stop Bullying Now website explains that bullying includes:

Any act that physically hurts someone, such as punching, kicking or shoving
Excluding people from a group
Teasing people or spreading bad rumors about them
Using someone’s computer user name and posting lies or rumors
Sending hurtful instant messages, e-mails or text messages
Posting mean pictures, lies or rumors about someone on a website, such as Facebook or MySpace

One of the biggest problems that adults encounter with bullying is silence. It’s difficult to get accurate estimates of how pervasive the problem is, because children often don’t report it, usually because of fear. The old mindset of “toughing it out” is slowly starting to change. But it has to start with the school district, the principals and the teachers and support staff. When a kid comes in with complaints, they cannot be ignored. And parents must be involved as well as the innocent bystanders, who need to intervene and let other kids know this behavior is not OK.
Kids bullying other kids may need anger management training, or they may need further help because of something that is happening at home. Victims may need help in learning to be more assertive, and they may need additional help to recover from the intense bullying. For sure, it is time to get tough on bullying. It is time for adults to step up and protect our kids from abusive behavior.

YOUTH & EDUCATION Web Exclusives | CITYSunTimes July 2009